A Guide to Defeating RL Bullies Using MMPORG strategy

Now that I’ve finally finished with the worst of the school year, I think it’s time to turn my attention from school to more important things, like… school. Or, more specifically, what happens all too frequently at school: bullying. While have written many posts about MMORPG, bullies in real life aren’t so different than defeating bullies in the games.  Bullies are kind of like boss battles. They are difficult to beat, come in many different forms, but you usually level up after defeating them. And so, for you entertainment and information, here is a guide to overcoming life’s boss battles.


Stats = Personality and Qualities

Level = Maturity

Level Up = Gain Maturity

Power = Physical Strength

Intelligence = Intelligence

Vitality = Self-Confidence

Charisma = Popularity

Party Members/Guild = Friends

Attack Pattern = The Method of Bullying

Chant = Rumor

Admin = Adult or Teacher

The Brute

The Breakdown

With the highest Power stat of any of the bullies, the Brute is absolutely not to be taken lightly. His Vitality isn’t anything to scoff at, either. Though he lacks any special attacks or abilities, he makes up for it in sheer force and toughness. While a viable strategy for defeating other bullies, the tactic of “beat him/her at his/her own game” will result in your own defeat. Looking at the Brute’s other stats, though, his lack of Intelligence stands out as a glaring vulnerability in his otherwise impenetrable armor.

First Tactic- Safety In Numbers

If you are the kind of person who adventures in parties, make use of the fact that you have a guild and he doesn’t! Even the least intelligent bosses will hesitate to attack an entire party.

Second Tactic- Outsmart Him

If your buddies aren’t online or haven’t leveled up enough to help you out, there is a way to solo this boss. The Brute will falter if thrown a problem that his bulging biceps can’t fix. For instance, ask an administrator to watch over you or the Brute. Any move made against you will be punished, and the best part is that, if this tactic is pulled off to perfection, the Brute will never know that you requested an admin’s assistance! You walk away unharmed and the Brute is beaten.

The Gossiper

The Breakdown

The Gossiper is the complete opposite of the Brute. Her Intelligence and Charisma stats are top-notch, where as her Power is relatively low. Her attack pattern is fixed and simple, but extremely troublesome. She hides in crowds while using spreading a certain chant to innocent bystanders, who then repeat it to you; you take damage whenever you hear the chant. Defeating the Gossiper is especially difficult because you can’t just attack blindly. You must use your sleuthing skills to find her and then confront her. Luckily, once found and confronted, her attacks lose most, if not all of their potency.

First Tactic- Track Her Down

The weakness in the Gossiper’s strategy is that the innocent bystanders used to hurt you can also be turned to your advantage. The Gossiper’s attack leaves a trail which can be followed simply by asking those who were a part of it. Ask anybody who repeats the chant about who told them, and continue doing this until all answers point to a particular “bystander” who turns out to be the Gossiper once confronted. This tactic may not work if the Gossiper has an unusually high Intelligence stat, however.

Second Tactic- Counter Her

It is possible, if your Charisma is high enough, for you to use the Gossiper’s own strategy against her in a sort of counter technique. Spread your own chant (negating hers) through the bystanders, and eventually you will have completely defeated her attack. Solid evidence may be required for your chant to have any effect. Alternatively, if your Level is high enough the Gossiper’s attacks may not have any effect on the bystanders.

The All-Round Jerk

The Breakdown

The All-Round Jerk (Jerk for short) is a mix between the Brute and the Gossiper, and so the Jerk has no fixed stats. In general, however, he will specialize in one or two stats. Though many people do tend to gravitate towards certain stats, they won’t be obnoxious if one of their stats is higher than yours. The Jerk, however, goes out of his way to show everybody that his stats are the highest. Owing to his nature, the Jerk’s attack pattern is varied and versatile; in contrast, your defense to his attacks is extremely simple, yet highly effective. Although party members can and should be enlisted for support, the decisive factor in your battle with the Jerk is you.

Tactic- Defense Is The Greatest Offense

Unlike the other bullies, the Jerk is unique in that the damage he deals to you is entirely dependent on your Level and Vitality. If your stats are high enough, he can’t damage you at all. The Jerk has a strange, vampiric nature- any damage done to you feeds him and makes his attacks stronger. If he sees that he can’t inflict any damage to you, he will leave you alone.

If you have an epic tale of your own to tell, please share it; I’m sure we’d all like to hear it.


One Response to A Guide to Defeating RL Bullies Using MMPORG strategy

  1. hils says:

    haha i like this.

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